Will it always be a gamble?

how is it when you meet someone just awesome,
and you know it will never work?
Music in the park as the sun sets,
what a beautiful voice.
resonating through the falling autumn leaves,
vibrating oranges, yellows, greens.
the cadence leaves you breathless
her laugh hollows you out.
The last gleaming rays of sun shine bright in her stunning hazel-yellow eyes
The sun sets and the light fades but the glimmer in her eyes persist.

*snap* and i come to

I'm too old.
I can't date in the internship.
She wouldn't want to live with my crazy life even afterward.
so it all falls.
the leaves starve for oxygen
The stem weakens and breaks
they fall fall fall to the ground
they crumble to brown and die
my eyes open from this dream
and everything is at face value.
nothing but a friendship
no feelings attached
there can't be.
Don't lead her on.

pourquoi pourquoi pourquoi???
Je deteste la maniere que je me sens.....
tres belle...

narrow road

i followed the crowd once.
i was there.
i walked with company once.
i did.
i walked straight towards death once.
right to it.
i walked with everybody else.
everybody else.

i found truth, i found life.
i walked away from them.
i walked away from the crowds.
the road i follow now is more like a path.
roughly cut and narrow
it's not easy.
but i expected that.
i hold myself to higher standards.
my path is very narrow now.
it's not easy.
i expected that.
it's lonely.
i didn't expect that.
theres few people here.
less who care to make friends.
don;t get my wrong
i wouldn't trade this for the world.
although,
it'd be nice to have company.

long week

how can i describe it?
what can i say?
it feels like warm rain covering your whole body
like a blanket falling on you and absorbing into your skin.
holy spirit wow.

today i have nothing to do all day and my dad will be gone for a couple days.
can you say party at my place?
;) ha
i think i may learn a new song and hit the streets...

open water sucks

i was like chillin for like an hour and looked up
and they were still just floatin around.

so the people that were gonna buy my car disappeared.
so now im back to finding someone to buy it.

i have alot of work to do.

your ass left you in a tree

what was his name? Absolom? i think so.
got his hair stuck in a tree and his donkey kept walking and he died there in the tree.
ya.....that was rather unfortunate for him.
turns out the thing he loved most (his hair) was what got him killed.
hmmmm

It's crazy how the enemy can attack you in so many ways without you even realizing it.
or how the line between "christian" and "unchristian" can become so skewed because we do not live according to the spirit.

I got some pretty intense change going on right now.
Like a smith, he'll put you under fire then beat the livin tar out of you
but in the end, you are beautiful and you are an expression through which people see Gods glory.
im under fire. buuuuuurn.

theres alot i miss about my past.
and alot i dont miss.
it's important to decipher between them....the good and the bad.
But the fact is, i will never be that person again, i will never live that life again, i will never be in that place again.
so we move on. we change, we grow, we evolve, we are transformed. In Christ.

so i guess im ok with my lack of friends, and the fact that i will not have a girl for a long time.
i've accepted that.
i've had a few heavy revys today. one, i will never let discouragement or insults hinder my relationship with God. I will never let my attitude fester with anger compromising my relationship with God. My Father in heaven comes first. first. first. first.
first.

its easy to say "i'd give this up if it meant i couldnt be a christian"
its easy to say cuz you'll probably never have to give up your gauges in order to stay christian.
but its not that simple no matter what is in question.....is it hindering your relationship with him? which is more important? is it limiting your Godly influence on people around you?" which is more important? is it pushing you toward God or keeping you from fulfilling your destinies and purposes? which is more important?
its difficult to say sometimes.
it may be gauges in your ears, it may be clothes style, it may be music you listen to, music you play on the guitar.
What hurts and holds back some people may not hold back others.
i had to get rid of my gauges, they affected the people i influenced in a negative way and were going to hold me back from all that God wanted to use me for.
i made a choice of which were more important.
if anything in any way will hinder the kingdom of God or in any slightest way go astray from Gods will, i want nothing to do with it.
whats in your life you may need to question? what has God been speaking to you? prayer isn't all about talking while God listens, spend sometime listening to what He has to say. You may have a few revelations of your own.

chill

Today wasnt too bad.
It's getting dark.
i want to wander around town.
i like to wander.
simply go where i feel.
especially at night.
its so relaxed so calm

i was standing on a rock next to a tree outside my church today.
the clouds were dominating the bright blue sky reflecting the sun, white orange red. floating silently above that big red barn we use so often to give directions. The mountains silhouette far away across the valley. Crickets are chirping and the distant sound of cars are the only sounds.
Cheerful laughter breaks in as some of the interns come out of the building. The wind blows and a few yellow leaves fall off the tree.
suddenly i had a strong epiphany of where i was.....home.
I live here.
this is where I live.
This is my home.
I love it.

Loved by most

but loved most by none.
blah.
i want a best friend.
theres only a select few guys i've been able to click with well enough to call em that.
ones in NC.
the other....basically abandoned roseburg and his friends here.

texting Jesus

Sometimes i wish Jesus had a blog.
So i could see what he's thinkin about us.
"sigh, middle east is fighting again.....looks like somethin is happenin in Oregon, those crazy roseburgians...well pleasing. especially that David kid :]" jkjk.
but no really it'd be nice to just know for sure, written on paper.
it'd be nice if i could pray and God could just fax his answers so i dont have to decipher between my flesh demons and God. ha.
Wish i could text jesus.
i bet he'd have a 541 area code.
777-Jesus
he could have 8 numbers cuz he's God.

"hey Jesus whats up?"
"nuthin much chillin."
"hows heavn?"
"prtty awsme. Takin a swm wth the angels" Gods phone is waterproof.
"rght on. cant wait 2 gt ther!"
"u stll hve 101 yrs left! we'll thrw a big prty whn u get here tho ;)"
"swt. oh! Lord will hlp guide me ths yr?"
"jst keep pryin David, i'll b here listnin!"

humhumhum

so maybe things will work.
my dad is seeing my moving out for what it is.
an experience to help me grow.
hung out with some of the gang tonight at Rachel's house.
it was cool.
i'm feeling awfully creative.
i want to do something.
walk through the town guitar in hand, the soft glow of street lights overhead guiding me, melodic tunes resonate through my hands to the guitar creating a new cadence.
music burns within.
a sermon is boiling to the top.
something moving.
i want to walk into the woods and build.
i want a canvas and paint.
a pencil and paper.

God is working me over pretty tough.
i need to get my self in gear.
i need to forget about women.
really.
for once in 19 years i need to set that aside.
He is so good....the master of the universe.

"Theres a mouse on your can...with a nazi helmet and a surf board" says James. That kidder. Thought he was serious for a second about the mouse.

I love when she dances to my music. Creation is beautiful. i love to see it in motion. to see it become a tangible form, moving and expressive.
Probably shouldn't hang out with her...

just wish i could play as well as i do in my head :]

My best canvas is the the minds of the people i preach to. I paint with my words, with my feelings, actions, emotions behind the pulpit. I teach and i convey the message of our Lord with what he has given me. Every sentiment, another seed planted. Every sermon, another demonic stronghold challenged.

My friends know i can be awfully persuasive when i need to be. I used to use it for my own benefit. I use that same gift to further the kingdom now.
A prophet once spoke over me that i'd use the strengths i once used for myself for the Lord.

tomorrow mornin is resume update time.
think i'll take the bike.
can't afford to drive me car anymore.
peace yall

Is it tuesday yet?

Today was stressful.
again with the updating profiles.
again the sincere apologies sending me on my merry way.
my boss said he'd start giving me 2o hrs a week.
this week, and next, i have 10....
me and my sister are making money by our own means now.

I talked to my dad about the house parents.
He took it personally.
i figured he would.
Now he's hurt.
He dosn't understand i need this.
He thinks me and my pastor are saying he's not good enough.
Which is not it at all.

Apparently had to work today.
locked my keys in my apartment.
So i walked 1.6 miles to work.
fun stuff.

today was stressful long day.
very unproductive.
I can't wait till tuesday.

might be moving out.

So some people from my church requested me to live with them during the internship.
most of the interns live with house parents.
it'll be good for me...to be a part of a solid stable structured family.
to experience that and see what it's like.
but do i want to move away from my dad?
no, not really.
but it'll be good for me i know.
They're good people and nice and all.
Dad hasnt been doing to well, what with chest pains and what not. But since he started the meds hes been doing fine.
says he hasnt felt as good in a long time.
so maybe he'll be alright without me.
it'll be a huge change.
but i think i'll grow from it.
pastor says i get away with too much crap and dont even realize it.
ha.
i dunno.
it'll be weird, guess ill talk to ma padre tonight.

peace.

Premiere?

So i am really bad at keeping a journal.
but maybe it could do me some good.
and those who read can see how cool i am :]
jkjk

internship was great today. pretty rad.
went treasure hunting.
fun stuff, had some real divine appointments.

i think im finally getting a hold on my feelings towards one girl in particular.
it was a distraction for a while but im getting it under control :p

is it bad that when people start giving long winded prayers i have to pray not to get impatient and annoyed? lol. i dunno.

this year is gonna be really good for me.
i wonder often what is ahead for me. when i'll have time to find a woman and get married and have a family. im feeling towards traveling not staying and pastoring one church. maybe one day i will, but i'd be traveling alot first. will i be able to find a woman who could drop everything and follow me? no..i wont be able to, but God will and he will lead us together :].

just a scripture we've been talking about i like.
james 1:22 but be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

learning french. wanna revolutionize france :p
i love the language, im getting not too bad.